There is never enough time in the day!
21:45 Posted In Art Edit This 1 Comment »
Last night a good friend of mine installed a new program for me on the computer - corel painter. This software is designed for image enhancement and manipulation as well as graphic design and thus far it seems right up my alley. I have spent the past couple of evenings simply playing with a few of the features, after getting dinner ready, shoveling the walk and finishing off some homework of course.
There in lies the depressing truth. I have a full time job, part time schooling, a boyfriend, a cat and life in general. The usual trappings of adulthood which consist of looking after the house, myself and other inhabitants have a nasty way of eating away at those precious few moments in which to partake of my passion for art. Notice I did not say hobby...
As a kid I drew all the time. I doodled in the margins throughout class, drawing anything from classmates to cartoons. Presents for friends and family often consisted of pictures drawn or painted. I always took a great deal of satisfaction in being able to make something that other people enjoyed. Sometimes I got in trouble for it but no matter. When my mother told me I was going to university (whether I liked it or not) I chose to study art and some of my happiest days were in the studio. The history of art facinates me and the making of art seduces me.
When I am involved with art making time stands still for me. I do not feel hunger or discomfort. I feel a clarity and focus that I rarely encounter anywhere else. The evolution of an idea and the physical process of creation are what I love and why I keep comming back to it. Some people meditate to center / ground themselves, refresh themselves and for a time feel one with the universe. For me the act of creating is my meditation.
So having said that it is no wonder why the constant draining away of precious time is such an aggravation. I have paint, charcoal, canvas and paper - heck now I have this lovely computer program, and I have so little time to use any of it. I tell myself that once my course is done (sometime in june) then I can get back to the drawing board! Then I will have time to paint that painting , then I will have time to get all those ideas clamoring in my head onto the medium of choice! But in the meantime I feel listless and unmotivated, depressed and anxious. A part of me is being sorely neglected by being so cut back. My work can not make up for this.
I will just have to wait this out of course. My boyfriend does not understand my needs in this but at least he does not openly attack me for it. It's amazing how men can look at you and say "wow, that's really cool, you are so creative!" until they realize that it means for a few hours a week you are paying attention to something other than themselves. Throughout my relationships some have been supportive (to a point) and some have been outright hostile. But I have learned the hard way that living without any art at all is the equivalent of a living death.
1 comment:
Speaking from experience, your own personal "downtime" cannot be more strongly emphasized if you want to live a happy life. Even with the kids and all, as long as I had a chance every couple of weeks or so to go out stargazing, things were okay. I haven't had a hobby in years, not since I moved back here - you saw how much (more) of a basketcase I became. :(
I wouldn't wait until your course is over, personally. I occasionally steal time from my sleeping allotment. I wasn't going to rest well anyway, so I might as well destress. Something to think about, although the presence of your cat may complicate things for you regardless of the hour of the day.
And yes, life without beauty or inspiration (art for you, astronomy for me) is indeed a living death.
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