Needing focus...

18:54 Posted In Edit This 2 Comments »

Some days I think I have way too many interests.
I love several aspects of visual art from painting to printmaking to photography to collage to drawing.
I love drawing in henna and the connection that comes with adorning other people.
Belly dance gets me going on a few different levels from costuming to the mental and physical challenges to the beauty in the dance itself.
I genuinely enjoy and acknowledge the importance of physical exercise. This can take the form of yoga, swimming or even weight training at the gym.
Delicious food and testing different recipes in the kitchen is a must! Food is far more than something to be shoved into the stomach before carrying on.
I have always loved reading and I come from a family where reading is a much loved way to enjoy oneself and relax. With my mom working in the library, anything even remotely interesting was brought home to be investigated.
Sadly it has been far too long since I have enjoyed much time outdoors in the mountains. I have no excuse really, I have always loved hiking and camping. There is a sense of vibrancy that I simply do not find in the city.
And of course, there are the fun times spent with those important people in my life - I simply can't go without that! :)

But I have to work, to pay the bills and afford the ingredients in the aforementioned pursuits (food, art supplies, gas for travel etc). I have to sleep to avoid collapsing in a sickened weary state. So this leaves me with only so much time to take part in those activities that bring me so much joy.

I look around and see items unfinished, ideas for projects or pastimes not even started and I get frustrated. How can I squeeze more time in? I wonder if I can ever do really well at anything when my energies seem so scattered? Then there is also the occasional paralysis of having so many choices I can't decide what to do and then nothing gets done. It's depressing. Really.

I think I need to prioritize or pare things down somehow. Maybe that way I will be able to more fully explore various projects. So how do I do that without feeling that horrible "what if" feeling? How do I let something go without feeling like I'm losing out or short changing myself?

Here there be dragons...

18:33 Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »

Henna'ed dragons, oriental dragons, stylized dragons etc. They are all fair game! And when I am feeling down and having a hard time getting those creative juices flowing, starting with something like this is just what I need to help me up. It's not about trying to force creativity to come up with something I've never done before. When I'm in that kind of mood it just doesn't work and that just makes me more frustrated and upset. It is about taking a familiar idea and traveling with it down a slightly different path... And yes, I plan on continuing the henna dragon. Right now it is being a bit of a brain teaser as I try to work out how best to make the elements and designs flow the way I want.

Feeling Strange

19:00 Posted In Edit This 1 Comment »

It's hard to say exactly, how I am feeling today. My day has been quiet for certain. Tired yet not tired, a little blue yet I have some contentment in the small things today. A cold seems perched on the edge of my lungs. Perhaps with enough sleep and a break from the stresses it can be convinced to leave. Perhaps I need a good cry.

Even the cat has been subdued as it is near dinner time and he has not stirred to ask for food, normally he would have started poking me at least an hour ago.

In the process of cleaning the basement my parents have passed some items on to me, including some items that belonged to my grandmother. The scent in the box brings with it a lot of memories and thoughts. I find myself missing her, and wondering about her life.

I once again feel as the odd one out at work, unappreciated yet expected to look after things so others can go off and do their own thing. It is in part that plus the increased stress and tension at work that I am taking an extra day this long weekend. Despite the workload I need the break.

I thought there was someone with whom I could open up and be close, but he has firmly pushed me away. I understand the why, but it still hurts regardless. Are we going to remain friends or is he going to shut me out completely? At this point I have no idea what is going to happen next.

My old insecurities have woken and are rattling around in their cage. For the moment I shall just curl up in my studio and shut out the world. Creativity does not come easy when I feel this way but I feel I need some attempt at it to restore my equilibrium. If it goes well it can help shore up my tired spirit. I will be out in the world again soon enough.

New Dance Classes

19:30 Posted In Edit This 0 Comments »
I start a new round of classes this week, actually I have already gone through one six week session with this particular instructor and this week I jump in for another six week session. The classes are being taught by the Bedouin Dance Company and the style of dance I am learning is tribal fusion - still belly dance but with elements of other dance forms thrown into the mix. You can find find elements from all sorts like folk dances to hip hop. I have seen it performed before and been intrigued by it. I am happy to find it is as much fun to do as I thought it looks!
I am actually signed up for two classes. The first is an introduction to tribal fusion and the second (right afterwards) is aptly named Killer Drills and Crazy Combos. We are not only working our bodies but also our minds as we work from simple drills to more layered complicated combinations. By the time I finish the second class I honestly can't remember half of what I did in the first class! But I feel great physically and mentally so no complaints here...
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